


Expecto Embarrassment

by TheQueenInTheNorth



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2016-05-26
Packaged: 2018-02-10 09:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2020620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheQueenInTheNorth/pseuds/TheQueenInTheNorth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sansa won't cast her patronus infront of anyone. Arya vows to find out what it is, offending people left and right in the process. [Very Much Not A One Shot Anymore]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"I bet it's not a direwolf,"Arya said,"I bet it's not even corporeal. Otherwise she could just show us."

"Your sister just doesn't appreciate you being nosy,"Catelyn scolded."Lysa never wanted us to see her patronus either, and we all believed her when she said it was a trout. Although, it did later turn out that is was a mockingbird and she had, in fact, been lying to us -"

She trailed off, having realised that she was not actually helping the point she was trying to make. Her daughter only snorted."Who'd lie about something as lame as a trout? If you admit to that, everyone'll believe it 'cause it's too embarrassing to be made up."

She cringed at the look Robb threw her, remembering her mother's patronus had been a trout for years before changing form once she had fallen in love with Ned."Sorry, mum."

* * *

Jon groaned, grabbing Arya by the scruff of her neck as she tried to sneak past him."You can't just follow Sansa around until she casts her patronus. Why do you care what it is anyway? It doesn't matter."

"Easy to say when your patronus is a  _dragon_ ,"Arya countered. They had all been surprised, expecting a direwolf to match Father's and Robb's, Jon more so than anyone else. But, Arya had to grudingly admit, a dragon was cooler. A dragon patronus wasn't something you saw every day, in fact, Jon had been the only one at Hogwarts to have one until Daenerys Targaryen had transferred from Beauxbatons in Robb and Jon's final year."And Sansa's hiding whatever it is, which makes it important, you stupid. Or it might just not even be corporeal."

"It is, I saw it from a distance once,"Jon said, not sure why he was indulging his sister's silly obsession."It was about the right shape, mind you, had four legs and all."

Arya stared at him as if he'd gone mad." _Lots_ of things have four legs."

* * *

"She's probably ashamed because she doesn't have a direwolf patronus like a proper Stark,"Arya mused loudly, finding herself faced with her brothers glaring at her at that statement. Oh, right."Look, I didn't mean it like that. Dragons are cool."

Jon didn't exactly look appeased and Bran scoffed as she turned to him."You don't even know if yours isn't a direwolf. You managed a corporeal patronus once, for maybe two seconds."

"It was a crow,"Bran said as haughtily as a twelve year old could manage, crossing his arms and continuing to glare at his sister.

* * *

Arya let her head fall on the table, exhausted by attempting to weasle the information she needed out of anyone she could find."Even Jeyne Poole swears she doesn't know, and that girl can't lie. I bet Sansa has a really embarrassing patronus, like a rabbit or a bird or a doe-"

She broke off as Robb cleared his throat pointedly, giving her a look that reminded her a lot of Mother's I'm-not-mad-I'm-just-disappointed look.

"Yours is a stag,"she said defensively, sadly not able to keep in the giggle that always slipped out when she remembered Robb's patronus had changed to match his girlfriend's after only six weeks of them dating.

"Right,"her brother replied icily."Myrcella's is a doe."

* * *

"It's a lioness, isn't it?"Arya asked as innocently as she could. Sansa sighed and put the little bottle of Sleekeazy's Hair Potion down dejectedly."I knew there was a catch to you agreeing to this. You never just 'think it would be nice to spent some time together' nor would you 'love to dress up and go out.' How did I even fall for that?"

Then her sister's question seemed to sink in."Why on earth would it be a lioness?"

"Oh, you know,"mumbled Arya, suddenly regretting the question."I just thought - well, Joffrey's a lion, see-"

"I had a  _crush_  on him in  _first year_ ,"the older girl replied, frowning."I'm hardly  _in love_  with him, especially not now. I haven't even talked to him since before he transferred to Durmstrang."

"Would have explained why you won't tell, though."

* * *

If Sansa took one thing seriously, it was grades.

If Arya took one thing seriously, it was self-imposed challenges.

For once, both coincided. Arya knew that Sansa would practice her patronus before the Defense Against the Dark Arts examination, she just had to figure out when and follow her.

She could hardly believe Sansa was desperate enough to keep her patronus a secret to actually go out after curfew, but stranger things had happened (even if she couldn't think of any at that moment).

When Sansa cast her patronus, Arya blinked at it in confusion. Then, forgetting she was on an undercover mission, she burst out from between the trees.

"A hound? Are you kidding me? A  _hound_?"

Sansa spun around, staring at her sister, words eluding her. Which wasn't a problem, Arya had enough words for the both of them, half choking on her laughter as she rambled on."Oh my Merlin, a hound. Slytherin's nipple, you're in love with the Hound! I can't believe this. You're  _in love with Sandor freaking Clegane_. For the love of Hufflepuff, wait until I tell Jon - wait until Robb hears, I bet he'll go off and try to hex him - oh this is fantastic - I've never been this happy - Merlin's pants, what will Father say?"

"I am  _not_  in love with Sandor,"Sansa finally said, sounding desperate rather than angry. Arya just laughed harder."Shut up, stupid. Don't tell anyone. Don't tell or - or -"

"Or what?"Arya sing-songed, enjoying her sister's anguish far more than she probably should.

Sansa searched for an appropriate threat and then smiled a smile that made Arya's laughter stick in her throat."Or I'll make sure you can explain to Robb and Jon just  _why_ Gendry's patronus is suddenly a direwolf."

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a sequel was wanted, a sequel you shall have

Arya sat at her desk, bored and doodling on a scrap piece of parchment. Her class was beyond excited at finally learning about the Patronus charm and the prospect of soon casting one, but the younger Stark children had bullied - whoops, convinced - Jon and Robb to show them the spell as soon as they had learned it, so it was nothing new for her. Plus, they were still on the theoretical part. _Bo_ \- ring.

She stiffled a yawn, which led to Hot Pie throwing her a dirty look and elbowing her in the ribs. She kicked him in retaliation."Stop it, stupid."

"You stop not paying attention so obviously,"he hissed back,"Professor Zabini already keeps looking. _And_ Mister Clegane."

The Stark girl refocussed her attention on the burly man - boy - whatever - in question. While most people had transitioned from refering to him as Hound just last year to Mister Clegane now, Arya could never quite decide what to call him, and Sansa's stupid crush was certainly not helping. Barely out of Hogwarts himself, the teaching assistant still towered over pretty much every professor and all students. And he was, indeed, frowning at Arya. She fought the urge to stick out her tongue at him. One more detention this month and Mum would go balistic. And if she got another howler this week, she'd owe Gendry five galleons.

So she forced herself to atleast appear to be listening. It wasn't until Professor Zabini paused for a moment and everyone stopped taking notes that she actually started listening, though.

"Mister Clegane,"the Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor intoned,"If you'd be so good to show the students how to cast a patronus?"

The younger man spluttered, looking uncomfortable and as if he'd rather be anywhere else in the world. Arya leaned forward as he frantical searched for an excuse, knowing Professor Zabini well enough to know there would be none he'd accept. _Now_ things were finally getting interesting.

With a heavy sigh, Sandor Clegane resigned himself to his fate, pulling out his wand and glaring at the students as if they had somehow personally offended him - or maybe daring them to do so and see what would happen. And they all knew what would happen; his temper was the stuff of legends among Hogwarts students.

Why on earth he'd look this uncomfortable being asked to conjure a patronus, though, she had no idea. Surely he knew how to? He'd gotten atleast an E in his DADA Newts, otherwise he wouldn't have qualified for the position. Yet here he was, so what was the problem?

Clegane closed his eyes as if steeling himself for something extremely unpleasant and then cast the spell - non-verbally, one might add. Show-off.

As the patronus took form, a deafening silence spread across the room. In some ways, it was worse than if people had laughed. Hot Pie's eyes looked like they were ready to fall out of their sockets and Arya was somewhat aware that her mouth was hanging open.

Sandor 'The Hound' fucking Clegane had a bird patronus. A teensy-tiny flipping bird patronus, flying graceful loops, beak opened as if it were chirping. A godsdamned bird. And she couldn't even laugh. Then anger started bubbling in her chest. If that brute thought he could do whatever it was he had done to make Sansa fancy herself in love with him and then not even have his bloody patronus match hers, then he had another thing coming...

Busy with her silent plotting, Arya hadn't even noticed everyone getting up to leave until she was almost the last person there. Grabbing her books and shoving them into her bag, she made her way to the Great Hall for lunch, soon realising that she was right behind Sandor Clegane. Just as she decided to trip him, detention and howler be damned, he rounded a corner and audibly crashed into someone. By the sound of it a bunch of books were now strewn across the hall.

Arya snickered to herself until she heard a very familiar voice stammering flustered apologies. Sansa.

The younger Stark girl peaked around the corner to find Sansa and Clegane both crouched down, gathering up books while a blushing Sansa kept frantically apologising and Sandor kept telling her it was alright and, for some reason, to _stop chirping_. They both jerked back as if burned when their hands brushed. Had it been anyone else, Arya would have found the situation rather comical. But as it was, she had to fight the urge to jump around the corner and give Clegane a good kicking.

"Again, I'm really sorry, sir,"Sansa said as they both got to their feet again.

"I'm no sir,"Sandor Clegane replied and Arya could have sworn a blush was creeping up his neck if it weren't so ridiculous. He handed Sansa her books."And no harm done, little bird."

For the second time that day, Arya's jaw dropped. _Seven hells_.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know what I was thinking :D but I enjoy this verse...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back by popular demand and in an attempt to make myself happy again after watching the leaked episodes... *drum roll* Chapter Three!  
> It has Gendry!

"Oh no,"Gendry said with one look at Arya as he sat down across from her."What are you plotting now?"

Arya frowned at him."Who says I'm plotting anything?"

Gendry shrugged."Well, you're almost always plotting _something_. And you have your plotting face on."

"I do _not_ have a plotting face,"she replied, disgruntled. Gendry only laughed at her."Yes, you do. That -" he pointed an accusing finger straight at her face, "is your plotting face."

Schooling her features into the most neutral look she could manage, Arya kicked him in the shin."Shove it, Gendry."

"Come on, don't be like that,"he said with a grin,"It's cute."

"Your face is cute,"she muttered angrily, which just made him laugh again."Baby, I know."

He quickly evaded the next kick and Arya crossed her arms, scowling." _Not_ what I meant, you stupid. Doesn't matter. Will you help?"

"I thought you weren't plotting?"he said with mock-surprise, unable to keep from teasing Arya. She slumped across the table and groaned in exaggerated annoyance."Oh my gods, Gendry, can you just shut the fuck up and help me already?"

"Course I'll help you. What's the problem?"Gendry asked and Arya lifted her head from the table with an air of someone about to go an a murder spree."Sandor Clegane. Sandor Clegane and his fucking patronus."

* * *

"So wait, we're trying to do what exactly?"Hot Pie asked, bewildered. Gendry rubbed his temples, then deciding that there was no way he could make this sound reasonable or like they weren't going to die for it."You heard me. We're going to lock the Hound in a cupboard."

"Riii - ght,"his friend said slowly, waiting for the _just kidding_ that must surely follow. No such luck."And we do this because... ?"

"Because Arya's original idea was jumping out from behind a suit of armour, yell 'surprise, arsehole', and bash him over the head multiple times,"Gendry said earnestly."I only got her to agree to this because I told her she can still brain him if it doesn't work."

That only served to make Hot Pie more suspicous."Work? So this is an actual plan? Not just a prank?"

"Ah, yes, about that,"Gendry mumbled, trying his best to seem nonchalant and not make eye contact with his friend."We may or may not be locking Sansa in there with him."

"And when you say _may or may not_ -"

"I mean we absolutely, definitely will, yeah."

* * *

"Arya, where are we going?"Sansa demanded. Her sister waved her off."Can't a girl just want to take a walk with her sister and have a nice chat?"

"Yes,"the older Stark girl said."But that's not something _you_ just do. Plus, you have your plotting face on."

"Oh my gods, I do so _not_ have a plotting face,"Arya said."And even if I had a plotting face - which I don't - this wouldn't be it, okay? I'm just hanging out with my favourite sister."

"Only sister,"Sansa put in with a smile. Arya grinned back at her."Yeah, that too. Seriously, it's just a walk."

The redhead remained very unconvinced."We keep walking down the same corridor."

"I never said it was an _exciting_ walk, did I?"the younger replied."Anyways, you hear about the Hound's patronus?"

That Sansa's face flushed to match her hair was answer enough, but Arya needed to keep talking to distract her from the newly appeared door."A bird, can you believe it? What in the seven hells is that about? A _little bird_?"

"Yeah, weird,"Sansa mumbled, developing a sudden interest in her own shoes. With Sansa sufficiently occupied with her own thoughts, Arya casually pulled the door open when suddenly, high-pitched screeching reached their ears.

"What in Merlin's name - "

Sansa never got to finish the sentence because her sister shoved her through the doorway just as the source of the sound rounded the corner. She hadn't known Hot Pie could run that fast. Then again, Gendry was right behind him with a book bag clutched to his chest and the owner of said bag was hot on their heels.

Still emitting a noise that would have been more in place in a Care of Magical Creatures class, Hot Pie raced straight past her without showing any intention of stopping. She stuck out her leg once he was by, Gendry hopping over it while Clegane stumbled. Before he could recover his balance, Arya pushed him through the door after her sister and slammed the door shut.

Out of breath and still clutching Clegane's bag for dear life, Gendry doubled over, wheezing. Hot Pie came jogging back in to view as the sound of Clegane murdering Gendry stayed out. He, too, was breathing heavily."You - do realise - they can just - walk out of there again?"

Arya shook her head with a smug smirk."Room of Requirement, bitches. And I so happened to require a door that couldn't be opened from the inside for two hours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol Arya scheming is gives me life


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so someone dug up that original textpost where I shared the patronus idea that started this whole mess a few days ago and I was like 'lmao right that exists whoops' and then today I was all 'why the fuck is this person not updating aaaaaaaaaaaargh' and then I realised that was about as hypocritical as Jaime sassing Trant about a king dying on his watch so now I'm back  
> [also my otp is in a broomcloset and I just left them there whaaat???]

Sansa stood against the wall of the small room, trying to summon up the courage to say something and make her presence known. So far, Sandor Clegane had not noticed her, as he was too busy throwing himself against the door and yelling obscenities, quite a few of which involved unflattering assumptions about the parentage of Arya's little gang. At a particular crude exclamation - a suggestion where Gendry might put the stolen bookbag - Sansa let out something between a gasp, a shriek and a giggle. Sandor spun around, and she could just stop herself from stepping back at the look of unbridled fury in his eyes. As soon as he realised who she was, his face softend."Oh. It's you."

"And it's you." Okay, maybe not talking had been better afterall. Sandor didn't seem to mind her stating the obvious, though. Somehow, her mouth kept going without consulting her brain."And a broomcloset. You and me. In a broomcloset."

The second the words left her lips, she heard them the way he must have heard them and slapped her hand over her mouth with a gasp. The unburned side of his mouth lifted into a teasing smile."Aye, little bird. You and me, in a broomcloset."

The way he said it sent an entirely too pleasant thrill through her, and she knew her face was likely glowing red.

She desperately wanted to say something, preferably something witty, but all she could manage was incoherent stammering. His eyes sparkled with mirth; a year ago, he surely would have mocked her. A year ago, her heart would have been racing with fear and not excitement. She cleared her throat and made herself take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry Arya's being a nuisance,"she said, settling for taking them to a more neutral topic. Sandor shrugged, looking as if he had almost forgotten already how they had ended up here."Well, it's not like she'll just leave us here." He didn't sound entirely convinced."What did you do to make her throw you in here?"

Sansa frowned."I don't know, actually. We were just talking and then she said -" She trailed off as the pieces started coming together. She looked at the locked door, at Sandor, and back again. Her sister had obviously taken offense to Sandor's patronus. And then for some reason forced them into close quarters, where they would almost certainly have to talk about it. That... seemed a little tranquil for Arya's tastes. Almost helpful, in a weird way. The last puzzle piece fell into place."Oh, this reeks of Gendry! He's not supposed to encourage her. That little _shit_!"

His raspy laugh interrupted her.

"Well, that's some new attitude, little bird." She couldn't help but to respond to his grin with one of her own. He stepped a little closer and tilted his head to one side, and for one wild, wonderful moment, she thought he would kiss her. Instead, he just gave her a curious look."So, why are we here, then? Since you've figured it out."

"Oh." She considered making something up, but she knew he would be able to tell."Uhm." He would know if she lied, damn him. She blurted it out before she could change her mind. "Arya seems to have gotten her wand in a knot over your patronus."

His face fell, the playful twinkle gone, replaced by a guarded look that could not quite mask the hurt."Oh. I see."

He said nothing else, and turned is back to her to try and wrench open the door again. Sansa took a step toward him."I don't think you do." He just kept rattling the door."Sandor, I really don't think you understand."

"Don't." He said it so softly she almost wasn't sure he had spoken at all."Don't make a pretty song out of it, little bird. I'd rather not hear it."

"Just listen,"she insisted as she grabbed his arm."Look at me, Sandor."

As usual, the words brooked no dissent, even if the speaker was a different one. He turned, his face burning with embaressment, and looked at her. It seemed to be a challenge, almost, to see if she could hurt him. Her heart ached for him, and she realised no mere words could wash away what years of torment had done. She pulled her wand and cast her patronus.

The look on his face was almost comical.

* * *

"Shouldn't Sansa be threatening to kill us all right about now?"Hot Pie aksed, checking the time. Arya, who'd been silently wondering the same thing for ten minutes already, shrugged."I dunno. Maybe she went to tell on us instead."

"Pretty sure she'd not go to a teacher with that story. Or your parents, actually." Gendry frowned."But either Sansa or maybe Robb should be doing their Banshee impression by now. Did you do something wrong with the room?"

"Like what?"Arya demanded."It's not exactly hard!"

They fell silent, the boys knowing that Arya had to be the one to say what they were all thinking. It was all her scheming, anyways. Finally, she sighed and admitted defeat."Fine, we'll go open the stupid door ourselves."

* * *

Gendry and Hot Pie waited at the end of the corridor. Running from the Hound once a day really was enough. They waited with baited breath, ears pricked up for any sound of danger to tell them to make use of the headstart.

They heard a girl's shriek, a different girl's shriek, a slamming door and hurried footsteps.

Arya looked distinctly queasy as she made it back to them, eyes wide as if she had just seen an Other.

"The door opens just fine,"she spat, and refused to say anything else on the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well so that happened lol


End file.
